against the flow

ive talked about it before- and i know its not for everyone- but today's post is an ode to cosleeping and the wonderful cuddliness of miss k's bedtime routine. well, it has been filled with cuddles and spooning up until recently. just another sign that my baby is growing up faster than i can handle! boo hoo!! what we usually do is give her a bottle and just chill out on the couch for a bit- she snuggles with daddy and we watch something completely inappropriate like the simpsons or her favorite- family guy (she loves brian the dog). then when she is about halfway finished her bottle, i say, 'ready to go nuh-nights?' then she gives daddy a kiss and a hug, say, 'bye,' and then say, 'bye' to whoever is on the tv or in the room. then its off to bed.

she has her place between us (we have a big ass king sized bed- yay room for all of us!) so we snuggle and spoon while she falls asleep drinking her bottle and i sing her 'let it snow' about a bazillion times. well that was oh, a few weeks ago. now she insists on falling asleep by herself. take tonight, for instance. we go through our routine, i sing, and she takes her bottle and hands it to me and lays down on my pillow says, 'nuh-nights i-o-wooo.' loosely translated, she just told me good night and i love you. OMG! how sweet is that??? shes been saying i love you- well her version of it- for a week now, but not at nighttime. how cute! but its also so sad to me that she didnt want to fall asleep in my arms. she just turned 18 months today, so its funny how fast she seems to be growing up with the littlest things.

dr. sears says that attached kids can be more comfortable moving to independence... and i am seeing the proof! but its not just at bedtime- though that has been the sweetest so far... its everything. but thats another post all together... sorry for the tangent..

i know that a lot of parents dont rock, snuggle or sing their kids to sleep every night. they may just put the baby in the crib, say good night and thats that- and thats fine. but im taking the longer course... one that is a little against the flow... so what if it takes a long time to get her to sleep? sometimes it will take close to an hour if shes talkative (i like to think shes telling me her favorite parts of the day) sometimes shes restless, and sometimes shes zonked out before she finishes her bottle... but it is just a sweet, quiet time that i am happy to spend with her. she loves going to bed- its fun for her. its another bit of closeness that adds to our bond.

and its not just me- my husband loves her in our bed, too. he is what i like to call a nightwaker. he wakes up during the night to check the time, pee, adjust his balls, look outside. its wierd, i know, but hes done it since he was little. anyways, he loves k in our bed because he can see her all night. hes at work all day, so its his quiet time with her- sometimes she rolls over and snuggles up to him, which he absolutely loves. he feels closer to her because he can see her all night and wake up next to her, too. a connectedness that he definitely wouldnt have if she was in the room across the hall.

people like to say to us in that know-it-all, sing-song voice, 'once you let them in your bed youll never get them outttt'... as if its a warning or something. but here's the thing: i just know k will want her own bed before we are ready for her to leave ours.

sleeping better now that i'm no longer a judgemental bitch

i've definitely learned a lot in the last 3 months of motherhood. i've also learned that what is supposed to be 'normal' is far from it. its like i've entered an altered reality where everything you thought you knew about babies is nothing like what happens when it is your baby in your house with your husband and your family. i feel like a maverick- for breaking these stupid 'rules' that we have set up in american culture, when in fact i think i'm part of a silent majority. a few things i've learned along the way about sleeping:

dr. sears is the MAN. why? because i bought his the baby book instead of the american pediatrics one because of the cute baby butts on it. really. once i started reading, the scales fell off my eyes- my little baby was a person- and individual, who needed to be treated as such and nurtured in a way that felt right and good to my husband and i- who cares what the rest of the world/media/parents think. first 'rule' i broke was having our little one sleep in bed with us. i was a total judgemental bitch to my one friend who had her baby in her bed for his first year. she couldn't bring herself to train him to sleep in his room-it was too hard on her and she just let it go. i was like, omg i cant believe he's STILL in their bed!! shocked. SHOCKED that such a thing could still happen in our modern society. then i read about the benefits of it. well first, we bought a bassinet because our friends had one by their bed. step two was having one right next to ours- but i just felt like it was so easier just to have her with us. we do it the safe way- shes in our king-sized bed, on her own little wedge, with a mesh barrier thing keeping her from falling onto the floor. voila- happy parents (she loves to snuggle, we never wake up to crying) and happy baby- she's nice and warm and safe with us. she also knows that bedtime means sleepy time. when she wakes up to eat, shes strictly business- eating then going right back to sleep. who knows how long it will last, but to me, its one of the most wonderful things about her- snuggling up and listening to her sleep next to us, and seeing/hearing/feeling me as soon as she wakes.

i know its not for everyone, but it ended up being for me and my husband. crazy thing is that last friday i was talking to my sister- who did everything by the book (unlike me- I'm more casual about it) and found out that she had my niece in her bed for about the first year or more. i would never have thought that- well, i guess i never thought about it because i never knew it was an option. even my mother in law told me that she wanted to have her first baby in the bed with her, but got nixxed by my father in law. why? hes not a heavy sleeper, hes like my husband- awake all night. maybe it was that crazy societal pressure of being 'normal.'

another thing i've learned about myself is i have an incredible ability to adapt my sleeping pattern. i am amazed at how aware i am of my daughters presence while I'm sleeping. very few times has my husband woken me up because i was in a bad position with her (twice, actually). crazy considering once i am asleep i can sleep through most everything. i also enjoy sleeping. for like, 10-12 hours at a time. and somehow i can function with waking up one or two times a night for feeding my baby bird or if she coughs or sighs or whatever else she decides to do at night. and i don't even mind doing it! if you had woken me up in the middle of the night, pre-baby, i would have totally freaked out on you, possibly punched you (sorry, honey) or even throw you across the room (sorry, kitten).

so what are my sleeping plans for the future? who the f knows. what i do know is that i like our sleeping arrangement at the moment. we agree that this is what we both want and we are having a fun time snuggling with our little girl while she is so cute and tiny. but every baby is different- who am i to say that its right or wrong for anyone else? brings me to the point of my bliggity bloggin- do what makes you and baby happy and do it with love. screw any judgemental bitches who make you feel bad about it.