going blonde: a retrospective

my sexy is returning. my mojo is brewing. and my groove has finally made a comeback. im feeling pretty again!!!!!! not just pretty- im feeling that im on the way to inner and outer hotness again. and its super exciting. a few dominoes have been falling lately and its all working its way to me feeling like myself again after a few years of what i can only describe as mommy blah boring. lets start with the big one- im losing weight. not a ton (i anyone have p90x i can borrow???) but its a start.. 7 lbs. clothes are starting to fit a little better and its giving me the momentum that i need to keep going. yay! here is the other big one- im working again. ill say for the record that it feels great to be out of the house and work at a hotel again, talking with adults, getting a paycheck, but lets get real. im a shameless attention whore. what i really like is that men flirt with me again. i feel like ive been invisible for a while, with feeling down on myself to feeling dumpy in too-big hoodies to hide myself, so its a much-needed boost to the ego. plus that and i get to see my kryptonite... men in uniform. which makes me very, very happy when they flirt with me, even though i melt into a puddle of blush and its totatally embarrassing. im also enjoying the fringe benefits of this with the hubby- he knows that guys are flirting with me so hes stepping up the game. or maybe hes just happy im bringing home a paycheck again. whatever- its win-win for me!

the second two awakenings to my mojo happened this week. first is that i found my old, lost mp3 player that i used to take to the gym. i havent been to the gym in oh i dont know, 3 1/2 years? but its my workout mix and wow i forgot how much i loved booty-bouncing sexy rap. like, dirty dirty rap that makes me want to grind up on something (the hubby, a lightpost, the refrigerator, etc) and shake it. i listened to it all day while i cleaned the kitchen and the kiddo was at her grandparents. when the hubby got home, i was dancing with him, by myself, all over the kitchen still and he said, 'wow, i havent seen you shake your ass like that in a really long time.' yes, eloquent words are not his strong point. so ive been shaking it everyday since. the next part of the inner bombshell renewal was today. i dusted off the external hard drive (not a euphemism i swear!) and found the pictures i took of myself for the hubby. yes, those kind of pictures. pictures from when i went blonde.

about 5 years ago i went on an antidepressant, which was amazing. i felt like myself again, and in trying to battle my depression i started working out at the gym. (i also smoked a pack a day and drank too many redbulls) i wasnt the healthiest, but i lost some weight, tightened up and looked GOOD. i dressed cute and wore 4 inch heels and dresses to work. then i went blonde. i wanted platinum blonde, but i didnt have enough time/money so i settled for golden. i was at an entirely different level of hot. skinny, blonde, flat stomach perfect boobs that looked perfectly awesome in cute bras...... and then my gorgeously long blonde hair started to crinkle and break off and i had to put some color back in and cut it before it became a full out mullet. and then i got pregnant and all hell broke lose.

my hair is growing back, but my boobs are all saggy and i cant fit into my cute bras anymore, my hips and stomach prevent me from wearing my cute jeans, i wear sweatpants every day at home and hoodies, im jiggy in the wrong places and i swear ive got batwings now for arms. ive got no tone to my muscles- which are now covered in a layer of flub, and i barely ever wear makeup let alone heels because they make my feet hurt for days. and they arent my sexy heels either- they dont fit me or fell victim to the great mildew attack of 2009 in the basement. its a sad state of affairs when i look into the mirror, but in the last week or so i feel it changing. i know my sexy me is in there. with a little hard work (ok make that a lot...) i can look like i used to- and feel good about myself in the process.

and then go back to blonde.